Castration Story 2004


Thank You For Your Interest in CASTRATION in 2004!

For many years, countless thousands of persons have visited and read our descriptive websites, offering important information relating to Castration.  Some came seeking the latest research, state-to-state Castration laws and many came seeking qualified medical professionals providing Castration procedures in their home states and localities. Many took advantages of our recommendations and other waited until someone else went first.

As a result, so many who have anonymously and confidentially emailed us, asking for details on taking the "Next Step" to Castration, have received vital information and have become informed about Castration, thus empowering them to make their own informed decisions, based on the wealth of information made available to them.

Their identities have remained anonymous and their confidentiality has been Guaranteed and has NEVER, in any way, been compromised, and NEVER will!

As a result of one person undergoing Castration and writing about the experience, we are pleased to be able to feature the testimony on this special web site, in your interest.

We sincerely hope that this site and its contents will help you.

...The American Focus/UII Castration Research Division


Others, seeking to enhance their knowledge about the topic, have acquired the research manuals written by Victor T. Cheney, M.S., who serves as America's foremost authority on Castration as a Treatment and Not a Punishment, including:

A Brief History of Castration

The Advantages of Castration

The Disadvantages of Castration (and)

The American Focus on Rape: Rape IS A Sex Crime

In 2004, we have made additional research findings available with the release of two feature-length videos,

Changing Sexes: MALE to FEMALE    ...and...
Changing Sexes: FEMALE to MALE

For complete details about acquiring any of the books or the videos, simply Email and ask for details on those items in your interest areas.

For those persons interested in Victor Cheney's newly updated volume for 2004 and beyond,

CASTRATION: The Advantages and the Disadvantages need only email for complete details and ordering instructions.



The following is a voluntary testimony of someone who, like Victor Cheney, has undergone Castration and has found it advantageous on a number of personal levels.

The following is intended to answer the many questions you may from a personal viewpoint of someone who has undergone Castration and seeks to provide you with first-hand observations, should you have exceptional interest in Castration as a topic, or choosing Castration as a personal option.

It is hoped that many will be helped to become informed and make their own informed decisions about Castration by the following commentary.

We have appropriately titled it:




I was electively castrated on 17 November 2003 and changes have been nothing short of extraordinary, for example, the thought of sex is now repulsive.  I also did chemicals for castration, but they didn't have near the effect of the surgical procedure.

Even before puberty, I remember engaging in sexual play with friends and enjoying it for its risky, secretive and taboo feel.  Such was my formative years as a young Irish Catholic boy growing up in a 1950s suburban neighborhood.  As puberty hit, I couldnt masturbate enough.  In every rough way, I was a normal, healthy boy, but my closest held secret was I had a sexual interest in other boys. 

I was in no way feminine and no one had any reason to believe I was anything other than straight.  My Dad reacted in violent ways at times so when he suspected me of masturbating in my room after school he would verbally throw me out of the house and I would go before any escalation of the incidents.  My first suicide attempt was shortly after my father died, when I was thirteen.

In high school, I dated a great girl but every time we attempted sex I could not perform.  Throughout those high school years I secretly had sex with guys, but, just like with the girl, I had trouble with erections.  I guess getting drunk and high regularly didnt help much either. That impotence followed me through Vietnam and up to most recently.  It was always awkward for me with my fellow soldiers when we all went to the village for drugs, beers and some local whores.

Upon returning from Nam, my girl broke up with me.  Not long after that, I resigned myself to intensive alcohol abuse, any drugs I could find along with entire weekends stalking gay sex with young men in restrooms, bath houses or at the leather bars near the NYC docks of the lower west side.  Another turn on in stalking anonymous sex was driving around, drinking, looking for hitchhikers.  That led to two of my three DWI arrests.

The more vile the sex, the more exciting it was and it was exclusively sought it.  It was the weirdest thing, whether the sex was vanilla, i.e., normal, or erotic, I always felt dirty after ejaculating and wanted nothing more than to leave.   Except for a four month period of friendship with another guy, for the next three decades I was a loner, seeking anonymous sex with late teen boys who I would seduce with beer and poppers.

After seven years of sobriety resulting from my second DWI, still with no changes in my sexual diet, I got my third DWI on the night my Marine Corps Reserve unit was set to embark for the Gulf war.  For whatever reason, after returning home, my sexual deviance turned to closet cross-dressing and using chemicals made for those wishing to transgender, estrogen and anti-androgens.  I cant say why I did these things, as I am in no way feminine and had no interest in becoming a woman. 

The anti-androgen was essentially a way to self-castrate. 

Maybe because I used it for sexual reasons, it didnt lower my libido, in fact it seemed to increase the erotic feel of the whole thing, even if erections were difficult to achieve and masturbation took a lot of work.  About the same time I started visiting websites focusing on castration and castration fetishes, which grabbed my attention in a big way, the pornography had me online until the early morning hours.  I remember thinking, many times, that if it was all cut off maybe I wouldnt have such repulsive sexual desires.

I believe my second and third suicide attempts were exacerbated by those drugs as I do remember great mood swings including major depressions.  I lived for about ten years as a recluse during that time and was happy at least I couldnt get in trouble or hurt anyone. The third suicide brought the attention of my boss who said she wanted me to seek help for my rage - I never recognized it - she said she was afraid I would hurt someone in the office. 

Indirectly, through counseling and the anti-depressant, Zoloft, I came to discover repressed memories of incest before I was five and recognized the other abuses I had suffered.  Finally, I had a reason for all my aberrant behavior.  At least partially everything made sense and it felt like the world had been lifted from my back. 

I was as happy than I had ever been.  I was even asexual for a time.  However, in feeling better about myself I got some body piercing done and eventually started to slip back into seeking sex.  When I intentionally had unprotected, vile sex with a guy who had AIDS, I knew I had sunk to new depths in trying to kill myself.

The end of 2003 I got an interview for a teaching job in an elementary school.  I never had any sexual desire for kids that young, but I knew I needed a change where sex would no longer be an issue in my life. 

Within ten days I contacted Dr. Felix Spector in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania through his email.  After a twenty minute phone conversation with the doctor, we arranged an appointment for my castration three weeks later.  (On Monday, 17 November 2003, at 10 AM). 

Although Dr Felix Spector no longer performs the castration surgery, his associate, Dr. Kimmel, who is equally qualified, does the actual procedure.  If people are coming in from out of the area, he requests them arrive the day before and try to arrange for two nights stay afterward.  He also requests you be shaved when you arrive.

I never once felt embarrassed by being there as all staff is very professional.  I arrived at his office at 10 and for about an hour Dr Kimmel took the time to explain every detail of what I was to expect and was given a Valium.  Because castration can not be changed, he wants to make sure you are sure about doing it.  I was then shown to the office where the surgery would be performed.

After disrobing I laid down on the table.  I cant say how many injections I received to numb the area, but, to my surprise, they didnt at all hurt, not a little.  I guess I was under the knife for about two hours, hard to tell when youre having a good conversation, which the doctor and I did.  I do remember not wanting to talk about politics.  I had both testicles removed, which he showed me as each was withdrawn, and the most I felt was minor tugging.  My scrotum was also removed at that time.  Sutures are made to dissolve after a few weeks so there is no need to revisit a doctor to have them removed.  One of his staff helped bandage me and put a kind  of jock strap on me.  I was helped to dress.  He said what you wear is not important, but I wore loose fitting pants, and Im glad I did.  I had to remove the jock strap as soon as I got back to the motel as it was uncomfortable.  It was also pretty much blood soaked and I couldnt stand long enough to rinse it out.

After he was satisfied I could stand and return safely to my motel, he gave me a prescription for a pain killer he had just ran out of and told me where the drug store was located.  He said to come back in the morning about the same time.

The motel is only a block away and easily within walking distance.  The pharmacy, as I was to later find out, was across the street from the motel.  While I was trying to focus on Dr Kimmels directions to the pharmacy, my mind was still distracted by my recent surgery.  I got lost.  I think I walked for about twenty minutes trying to find the drug store.  I think I opened some stitches in the process of the walk. 

By the time I got to the pharmacy and then waiting for my prescription to be filled, I was beginning to feel light-headed, the local anesthetic was wearing off and blood started dripping down my legs.  The pharmacist asked if I wanted to sit down, because I asked if she could hurry, but all I could think about was getting blood on their chair, passing out and having people looking at me like I had just been shot.

One thing I regret is I didnt have anyone with me, because I was much too weak to stand for any length of time, to clean blood from me or my stained pants, get ice and to change my bandage.  There was a lot of blood that first night.  On someones suggestion I brought diapers with me to absorb blood with minimal exterior mess and Im glad I did.  I think I went through about five diapers that night and into the next morning.  I didnt really suffer any pain, not then, not anytime because I made sure to take the pain meds every four hours and right before bed.  I was not interested in looking at the wound, especially standing, but when I did see it for the first time I was unimpressed as the swelling made it appear as if I still had testicles.

I woke the next morning without any pain, changed my diapers and bandage, dressed in sweatpants and prepared for my follow up examination.  I returned to Dr Kimmels office where he changed my bandage and was satisfied with his work.  He wanted me to stay one more day, but I wanted to get back home, about a two hour drive from Philadelphia.  I packed an ice bag and drove home.  The drive got tough toward the end.  He probably was right as many stitches eventually pulled loose and the wound opened.

I took a vacation week to get castrated.  I figured that would give me enough time so as to not have to explain my absence from work, an office job.  Most people I had heard discuss it on the Internet said they returned to work after one week, even a few days later they returned.  I think because I had my scrotum removed at the same time that delayed the healing time.  Complicating the time element further, my stitches did indeed open, at first a few but then all of them.  It was nasty looking and I thought I would go through life with a gaping nasty opening there.  I wasnt to be, as Dr Kimmel reassured me.

That my stitches opened may have proved beneficial in the end as draining was continuous.  I know at least one other person who developed complications due partially to a lack of drainage.  For the first week home I was told to have an ice pack on it continuously when not using a hot soak after a few days healing time and to stay off my feet.  To clean it, I was advised to use Dial or some other antiseptic soap.  Warm salt soaks were also advised, I think after a few days, but I dont have a tub.  The Dr prescribed a Sitz bath and one of those hemorrhoid donuts for when I was sitting.  Neither was good as it stretched the sutures, what was left of them.  I used hot damp towels.

The second day produced only minimal bleeding and that slowed with each successive day.  Because I had the added surgery of scrotum removal and the stitches opening, my healing time was delayed and I stayed on pain killers for about a month mainly because Im a wimp.  Dr Kimmel was always available to discuss any concerns I had/have and he was without question very agreeable to renewing scripts as needed. 

From the very first night of the surgery, Ive experienced some rather remarkable changes in my life.  Because I was going to miss the family gathering for Thanksgiving I had to explain to my brother why.  I was honest in saying I wanted nothing more to do with sex.  He, as always, was very supportive and has kept my requested confidence.  My other brother called to inquire about my health after the other brother told him I had a hernia surgery.  I couldnt lie and told him the truth.  All this was much easier than I had thought and support couldnt have been greater from people I care greatly for.  A few days later, the one brother called to tell me of his own sexual abuse at the hands of an uncle.  So, I think weve all grown closer as a result of this.

The first change I perceived was a certain elevation in my thought processes, I was, and continue to, think much deeper and more focused into subject matter and without being bothered by distractions.  It works great in an office environment when you want to tune people out.  Also in the office, I am much more pleasant to be around as I smile more and I dont respond unfavorably to provocation or stress.  I have much more confidence in my ability and I dont blame myself for things that go wrong - I was my worst critic before.  Now, instead of focusing on how much I cant do, Im honest in saying I know a lot about a lot and the rest I probably forgot.

Today, I like me and have honestly lost the taste for alcohol, I would have to force myself to drink, or have a purpose in wanting to use it.  Ive been clinically diagnosed with chronic reoccurring depression, but since getting cut, Im tempted to cut back or even stop the Zoloft.  Im not manic, but Im no longer continually depressed like before either, indeed, I often find myself smiling for no reason.  I cant really explain the reasons for my changes, any of them, yet I do know some people whove been cut have great mood swings and emotional extremes.  That is not my case, the most unwanted reaction for me may be sudden changes in internal body temperature, or hot flashes. 

Im still discovering changes in me and its pretty neat when they do appear, thus far its like discovering a new part of me.  My diet has also changed, I used to subsist on sandwiches, but since 17 November I havent had the desire for anything less than warm food.  Orange juice is also part of my new diet.  Ive also lost ten to fifteen pounds and feel, contrary to what Ive been told, like Ive increased my energy level.

The biggest change in my life is obviously sexual.  I wanted to be castrated to reduce my uncontrollable obsession with things sexual.  I have not had sexual urges, thoughts or actions in two months now, not an erection, nothing.  In fact, the mere discussion of it or seeing it in a major motion picture video makes me physically revolted.  Oddly enough, I can still see the same beauty I always saw, yet its deeper and I no longer follow that sight with a sexual thought like the seeming pervert I feel I once was.

Some things may never change.  For me, suicide, no desire for an intimate relationship and a certain amount of rage still remain, but somewhat differently.  With suicide I can unemotionally devise a plan as if it were some calculable project.  Recently, however, in what has become a rare moment of depression, I thought of the effects with a certain amount of clarity.  Like in Its a Wonderful Life, I could almost hear the whooshing sound of future events being changed due to my unanticipated absence.  I am thinking differently for sure.

The incest in my life has changed me in ways I will have trouble in coming to terms with.  Maybe not.  For as long as I can remember Ive had varying degrees of discomfort and reaction to people getting close physically and emotionally.  Now, I do want to meet and interact with people to some extent, but I still feel there are limits to my trust level.  And unlike before, today I tend to worry about my reaction to someone touching me in an unwanted sexual way. 

So, while there may be some down sides to my Castration, I feel Ive finally become the person I was always meant to be; honest, sincere, pure of mind and spirit, more thoughtful and less argumentative.

Submitted for Feature on This Site By: Anonymous


Editor's Note:
If this Castration Story testimony has helped you, please Email with your comments, criticisms and heartfelt acknowledgements and they will be forwarded to the anonymous person who submitted this testimony to help you to decide.


Most of us live our lives secure in the notion that we are male or female. Our bodies and minds coalesce to give us a strong sense of our gender. But there is a community that walks the murky line on the gender-divide. They question everything society dictates about what constitutes a man or a woman, in the hope of one day coming to terms with who they are: women trapped in men's bodies.
Follow three key characters as they live different stages of their transition from male to female. Meet Shawn Connell, a 33 year-old successful lawyer, father, and husband.
He is giving up his American dream to live as the woman he always knew he was.
Next meet 26-year old Anna Johnson, a Harvard graduate who is now five months into her hormone therapy and learn about her struggles with this difficult decision.
Lastly, Angela Pettit, a 59 year-old retired B-52 navigator is at the end of her journey. She's been living her life as a woman for over a year - and still has Jonni, her wife of 35 years, by her side.
Explore the world of "male to female" transsexuals and examine what it means to be a man who wants to be a woman. Interviews with renowned surgeons, scientists, psychotherapists and sociologists add to this fascinating look at understanding the transsexual experience

Mention the word "transsexual," and many imagine a man in a dress. But transsexuals are actually one gender who becomes the other. In this program, meet four women who have become, or are currently transitioning to, men. And, though their numbers are fewer than the reverse, their story is no less fascinating.
Meet Jamison, who transitioned 12 years ago. Today, his full beard, deep voice and twinkling green eyes make it hard to believe he was ever a woman.
Rachael, on the other hand, is just beginning her transition and still living as a woman. Follow her through her first radical change towards "manhood" - surgery to have her breasts removed.
Dirk, who started life as Emily, lives in a small town in the Midwest, where he fears that certain social factors may make him the target of violent crime.
Finally, meet Scott (formerly Caroline) who tells a harrowing tale of how he completed his transition with a unique female-to-male surgery - the creation of an artificial phallus.
Hear the profound - and sometimes provocative - stories of these "transitioners" as told in their own words. And move beyond the tabloid headlines to explore the moral, social and - most importantly - emotional questions surrounding this little-understood phenomenon.
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